You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
