well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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