Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
