every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
