I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
