i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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