Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my being single is dangerous.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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