just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
