I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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