Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
