there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
