is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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