i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize