Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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