Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
