If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
