Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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