I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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