just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
