when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
