I feel like abortions should bother me more
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
