I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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