No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
