my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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