im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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