dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
