i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I think I just sharted jello shots
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
