Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize