walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
