she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
