Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
