I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
