Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
