Is it because I queefed?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
