he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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