apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
