She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
