but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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