Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
