i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
