I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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