meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
