If i come over, it means nothing
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
