I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
