kristin has been a bad kristin
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
