just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
