Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
