you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
