I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it glows. i had to have it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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