All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
