She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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