I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
ttyl tear gas
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
