So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
