shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
