I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize