Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
