Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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