i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
God, I missed his penis.
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