It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
