How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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