i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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