Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
