So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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