I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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