I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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