Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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