Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
