I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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