I think I died a long time ago.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
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