a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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