He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We're too hungover to prance.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
